Hi Blogtobers!

Today I wanted to talk about something that is very personal. I am going to share my mental health journey, my guiding tips, and all the mental health official services I know of. Please remember that you don’t have to take my tips and I am not a licensed professional. Always seek professional help to get the best care for yourself. Those individuals are trained to help you. Let’s get started!

I’ve always thought of myself is less than because what I have is considered like a joke due to the stigma surrounding it. Like most people who are different from the social norms in my country they enjoy tearing down the ones that don’t conform to their standards. I was diagnosed young for having bipolar disorder. For those that that don’t know what that is here is the official definition :

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

When I say young, I mean that was diagnosed when I was fifteen years old. My first depressive episode lasted almost a year. I had severe depression, racing thoughts & speech, high levels of anxiety, night terrors, and insomnia.  I honestly missed all but a handful of days my sophomore year in high school. I had a depressive drop that had me barely able to get out bed, eat, and be around others. I have to say that I am truly blessed in regards that my mom was supportive in trying to find out what was wrong with me. When I finally found out what was wrong  it was a mixture of relief and dread. I felt like after everything that our family had been through in the past year I added another cherry on top of the regular fast paced moving pieces of our lives.

I struggled HARD. I live in a small town in Tennessee that’s apart of the bible belt. There are a lot of preconceived perceptions of people with mental disorders. It’s like because it’s not a condition that you can spot a mile a way that basically it’s all in your head. You’re faking your emotion for attention. I also hit a major wall which comes with the title of DAD. While my dad didn’t think I was faking what was happening. He just didn’t think I was bipolar. He thought I just had an intense in your face personality like his. This was a major twist in how I decided to take care of myself. He always told me I wasn’t bipolar and this would give me justification for lapsing on my medication regimen. Now it wasn’t his fault that I personally stopped but I allowed his own opinion to make the choice to not take care of myself. That had me going down a very dark hole of where I didn’t love myself. I felt like because I was size 18, just ugly physically,  I thought I wasn’t smart enough, and that this disorder made me even more of a worthless person. I honestly struggle to this day with these issues because when you’re manic depressive it’s like that one voice is now a sea of voices telling your flaws consistently.

LAPSING IN MEDICATION is something that is prone for people with bipolar disorder. This is because the medication stabilizes our emotions and allows for our racing thoughts and speech to finally slow down. The medication can also assist if you have an issue with insomnia. People with the disorder will sometimes think that they are doing good so they no longer take the medication. This will lead generally to a high manic streak or a low depressive streak. This happened to me several times. I mean I’d need six arms to count them all. I think what made it even harder was when I had to financially make the choice to go live with my Dad for five years. During that time, I didn’t have insurance and I couldn’t afford the medication. Like I said before he didn’t believe I had this disorder so he wouldn’t get me the medication. This caused me to have horrible relations with my family members that lived him because I would have manic episodes and super depressive ones. They didn’t know how to handle it and frankly I wasn’t in a state to clearly understand how to do that either. It wasn’t until I moved away and I got back on track that I finally found the courage to tell him that I had this disorder whether he believed it or not. I needed him to know that I KNOW I have it. I have to take care of me. That’s when he finally respected me enough to acknowledge that I do have Bipolar Disorder.

Having my disorder has effected my work experiences. The first thing I was told was never tell your employer that you have a mental disorder because they will not hire you. Like how are people supposed to afford things that make them have a fulfilling life if they are refused the tools do so? So I have had to put on applications that I have no disabilities. This has caused some not so good work events and I’ve even quit jobs due to my condition. An example that is really current, I had a lapse in my medication due to me trying to get some bills caught up. I was in a bad rough spot and I was so depressed. Through August and the first part of September, I barely worked a hundred hours. I slept, barely ate, I couldn’t be around people, and didn’t want to do anything at all. It has been rough getting back on track but it is so worth it. I am trying to live my best life and the tips below are the ones that have worked for me. If they don’t work for you that’s fine. Do what is best for yourself. So here they are:

1. NEVER BE ASHAMED TO ASK FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL HELP. There is ZERO shame in taking care of yourself. They are trained to help you get to the point where you are living the best life. It’s great that if you have a great support unit but sometimes it is nice to go see people that are not biased.
2. REMOVE TOXIC PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE. I found it best to let the people who drag me down and refuse to acknowledge that I do have a disorder and I need things a certain way go. Let them go. It took me a long time to realize this.
3. CHANGE IS APART OF LIFE. This might sound totally cliché, but it is true. When you have yourself on track with your mental health you aren’t going to be  doing all the things you used to. Please don’t let someone say to you “BUT YOU USED TO LOVE TO DO THIS!”. Yeah, you may have loved to do it but YOU DON’T ANYMORE. Please don’t feel obligated to do the activity because they say that. People don’t always notice changes because it’s not part of their immediate lifestyle. That’s not your job to please people by doing it. Cheesy example: “COME WITH US TO THE RAVE TONIGHT!” ” “Yeah, I don’t like those anymore.” “AWW YOU USED TO LOVE GOING WITH US!” <- Went to raves during manic times because it kept up with the energy the mania produced.
4. MEDICATION DOES NOT STOP STRESS. There is a glamorous filter that is fed to the American masses that if you take your medication you should be automatically “fixed” from having any negative emotions. This is a lie. The medication isn’t going to stop the stress of living your life. One of the hardest lessons I learned when I was younger that I would still be stressed while on my meds and I didn’t understand why I felt this way. I would lapse my medication because I was like “well it isn’t working then I why should take it?” The truth is that it was working. I just wasn’t immune to being stressed from living my life. The meds didn’t protect me from that. Please know that stress is natural.
5. KEEP A PLANNER OR ROUTINE. This is a personal preference. I have a planner I keep in my purse that keeps up with medication refills, appointments, booktube, blogging, and other events. I also have times of day that I do or not do things. This helps to keep me organized and notice if I am starting to spiral down I will notice things not being done. An example for me is the other day, I was on my computer during my daytime computer time in my living room and my mom came in as I was playing sims and I was watching Nadi (popluxe from the beauty community on youtube ) she grinned real big and said, “It has been a long a time since I’ve seen you watch your pretty man. I’m glad you’re doing that again.” I honestly cried. I just did. Happy tears.
6. CLEAN / ORGANIZED CHAOS vs CLUTTER / MESSINESS. I found that if you keep your spaces clean, organized, or organized chaos that it seems to help from getting depressed. It makes me take a big breath and think of how I am thankful that something is going right. When I come home and it’s cluttered or messy I can anxious, sad, and produce more negative thoughts about myself and stuff.
7. TALK TO SOMEONE. You have a voice and it deserves to be heard. It’s always good that if you can’t or don’t want to reach out for professional help that you speak to someone who doesn’t judge you or make you feel less than. I am lucky to have three beautiful and strong women in my life that I talk about everything with. They are such a great support and don’t judge me for being myself. I love them so much.
8. BOUNDARIES. You are a human being that deserves basic respect. If you do not want to do something then do not do it. Tell them no and follow through. I’ve had to learn this the hard way. I’ve been hurt but I was worth it. Always remember you are worth it.

Thank you for taking the time to read parts of my journey with my disorder and I hope that my tips may help. Do you have some that you’d recommend down below? Let me know! Here are the professional contacts you can reach out to seek help!

Free Crisis Hotline Numbers

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Crisis Text Line: Text “home” to 741741

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)